Refreshing Rain

As I write this, the silver rains are streaming past my window, pattering on the small cement patio outside, preparing the earth for spring. I walked home in this rain and it felt wonderfully restorative. I feel awakened, renewed, ready to bless God for all the amazing things He has done in my life. 

            Recently, while I was reading up on fasting and other spiritual disciplines, I came across an article about journaling. This article was in the online magazine, Set Apart Girl, which I strongly recommend you check out if you are so inclined. The author wrote about journaling in her life having become a way through which she could track the proof of God’s goodness through her life. Not only were her journals places to write prayers, dreams and fears, but they were records of God’s faithfulness. Her article ended with, “Does not His faithfulness deserve a monument in each of our lives?” I was struck by that comment. It is so easy for us small little humans to get stuck in the whirlpool of our own wants, need insecurities, and journeys that we forget to give tribute to Whom it is due.

            Though this blog is for struggling through the tough questions, for wrestling with truth, I never want to forget the One who stands beside us. We may feel as though we are grappling with stone as we try to figure out the person of God, yet if we only stopped dashing ourselves against Him in our hurry to figure it all out NOW, He would draw us into an eternal embrace, revealing His character to us in His own time and way, gently molding our character without ever breaking His precious clay vessels.

            God’s tenderness overwhelms me. As I am writing this blog, I took time to steep myself in His Word and I came across these words.

            John 16:13

            Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come he will guide you into all truth; for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will show you things to come.

            “He will guide you into all truth.” These journeys that we walk, the struggles we face, these are a monument to the Father’s faithfulness. Journaling may be a great way for some to remember these daily monuments, others may find different ways to do so, but the important thing is that we remember. Remember His faithfulness, kindness, goodness, blessings and gentle leadings.

The Inconvenience of Christianity

            I don’t always like it when God comes knocking at the door of my heart. Sometimes God shows me things that I have misunderstood, not done well, or simply not done.

            I would like to think of myself as a strong Christian, and often it seems as though people think of me that way. Yet, I often struggle with feeling like a failure, feeling distant from God, weak, and without hope of walking in a truly upright way before Him. Here in the west it is easy to think that Christianity should be like any other part of our life. Church fits into a schedule, it is neat, reliable, fits into a time commitment, and often becomes a convenient way to engage in ‘faith’. Even our daily devotions can fall into that routine. 7 AM, read 2 chapters of John, look at prayer list and think thankful thoughts, and then get dressed and go on with daily life. If there is ever the sense that this is not enough, it is easily quenched by the knowledge that as far as all appearances go, we are doing all the ‘right’ things.

            Christianity is not supposed to be easy. Everyone still with me so far? Good. Now let me try a new one on you. Christianity is not supposed to be convenient. Convenience is such a staple of our lives today. Very little in our lives today requires a concentrated denial of self, a steady, long-term work ethic that few people around us understand. We are used to fast-food, access to any piece of information within our pockets. We take world-wide travel and communication for granted, pleasure has become an every-day pursuit rather than an occasional experience. Our whole lives tend to be motivated by the paths of least resistance. I know mine usually is.

            Today God has awakened my heart to the truth of convenience. Convenience is a tool Satan uses to work apathy, disinterest, and spiritual death in our lives. I know those words are strong, but I know deep within my soul that God has something He wants to work through me, but the only way it will happen is if I start embracing the inconvenience of Christianity.

            My shame is that I so often think I should be able to have time in my life when God leaves me alone. I still am tempted to want to be in control of my own life. It was not convenient for Jesus to go to the cross for my sins. It was not convenient for God to send His only Son to the Earth. Why should my life be easy? Why should living to God’s glory and giving Him thanks be easy? Jesus never said it would be easy, so why do we have this thinking that living the Christian life won’t give us any great inconvenience? Reading Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand has opened my eyes to the wonderful beauty brought into the lives of Christians by suffering.

            For me, the inconvenience of Christianity includes giving God sovereignty over how I spend my time. I have read in many places that the one way to experience great growth and sensitivity to spiritual matters is by fasting. I am engaged to sing at an anniversary service on Sunday, and I want to be able to be used by God in that performance. So tomorrow starting in the morning (no breakfast) until after that performance, I am going to fast and pray. Nothing but water will pass my lips.

            I am fully aware that Satan will put me through the ringer tomorrow. I have no thoughts that tomorrow will be easy. I simply pray tonight that I will be given the grace to endure and that God will cleanse me, bringing to mind sins to confess and ways to change my thinking in order to come closer to God.

            I ask for your prayers for tomorrow. Pray that I will not be distracted from my purpose, and that God will reveal His purpose for my life to me. 

I Felt on Top of the World!

            It feels like a month has passed since I wrote to you, my sisters in Christ. I have missed you! Please know that you can contact me at any time, telling me any story about how God is working in your life. I would love to pray for you in your seasons of growing, praise with you in the times when God does wonderful and amazing things in your lives!

            God has just done something wonderful in my life. I got a job today doing what I love to do! I have had a dream for a long time to be a music teacher, and to have a studio where I could develop a curriculum for music and teach. There is a studio in the city where I live that contracts with independent music teachers, offering them the space and administrative services there in return for a cut of the teacher’s income. It is a wonderful setup because I do not have to advertise, and I get help with scheduling, which is wonderful. God truly worked this out in an amazing way. My pastor was over on Monday night visiting with my husband and I. When we prayed together, he prayed for my work situation, asking God for a way for me to pursue my dreams and get out of the job I have now. The next day, I get a phone call from this studio asking me if I am available, and would I be able to come down for an interview? Today, the next day after the phone call, I went down for the interview, really enjoyed getting to know the manager there, and signed the contract!

            Walking home, I felt on top of the world. I prayed as I was walking home, “Lord, please keep this moment alive in my heart. Help me to enjoy all the steps that will come after this. I know it will not all be perfect, but I know that You are in control.”

            It is amazing feeling your dreams come true! The best part for me though, is knowing that I am not forcing it to happen. I know that God is leading me every step of the way, and because I know that I also know that through this He is making His name known in the world. I am so humbled that God would choose to work through me, it inspires me to work harder, to truly live a life worthy of the word ‘Christian’. 

            I began this blog wanting to dig into the mystery as to why Christian women with powerful gifts seem to run into huge walls and opposition to their gifts. I don’t know that I have really made any big discoveries in that field; it could turn into a life-long study. However, I have noticed patterns in my own life. When I make a decision ahead of time to do something in my life that will bring me closer to God, Satan will attack. These attacks are subtle, and even though I have begun to identify them, I still can’t realize what they are in the middle of one. Usually it comes in the form of a headache, generally feeling blue and irritable, and not motivated. My husband is a wonderful help in realizing these attack for what they truly are, and loving me in spite of my bad behaviour sometimes. Today has shown me that if we are sensitive to God’s working in our lives, He will give us the opportunity to serve Him with our gifts, and what a mountaintop feeling it is!

            Love, grace and strength to you all!