Fasting and Prayer

“Ho, every one that thirsts, come ye to the waters, and he that has no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfies not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let you soul delight itself in fatness. Incline your ear, and come unto me: hear, and your soul shall live; and I will make an everlasting covenant with you, even the sure mercies of David.”            Isaiah 55:1-3

            Today is a new beginning; a beginning of a new way of living and a new way of thinking. This passage from the beginning of blogging has become a theme in my life. Last week Tuesday I began a 40 Day fast after the practice of medieval Europe. During the 40 Days of Lent as well as avoiding meat, oils, wine, and fats those who could handle it would only eat one meal at the end of the day. I haven’t been avoiding any foods, but in order to get used to fasting I have only been eating a small to regular sized meal at the end of the day. During the day I drink water, tea and fresh vegetable juices.

            I would be lying if I said that I have been able to fast perfectly. There have been a few days (this is 9 days in) that I have had either a snack, or a small healthy meal.

            In spite of mistakes, God has been teaching me wonderful things over this past week. The reason I have begun this project is because I want to renew my relationship with God, I want to break the bonds my sinful relationship with food has over my life. Fasting has created time in my life for me to realize how selfish I have been. I have been able to think about my relationship with God, the time and the work that I have, and haven’t put into that relationship. I have always said, and wanted to believe that my relationship with God is the most important relationship in my life. Yet in the past 9 days I have realized that my relationships with YouTube, Facebook, Sleep, and Books have been getting more time and attention than my relationship with God. I have realized that my selfish attitude in regards to my personal time has affected my relationship with my husband.

            Today I make the commitment to change my focus of each day from serving myself to finding ways to serve others. My time is no longer time to focus on my own pleasure. Time is a gift from God, I will use it to glorify Him and develop the gifts that he has given me.

            Prayer, music, Bible study, meditation and memorization are going to be forefront in my mind. Along with those focuses and goals I will be looking for ways that I can go out of my way to serve people around me.

            Fasting has already been an amazing tool for God in my life, I have found a year-long fasting calendar that implements fasting into the whole Christian life, in such a way as to enhance the seasons of the Christian calendar and the Christian walk. If God is calling you to fast, I pray that you will answer the call and experience the amazing ways He will work in your life.

            Much love in Christ! 

Jesus Loves You

If you are anything like me, there are days, sometimes weeks when it seems like nothing works. No matter how much time you devote to prayer, to reading God's Word, to listening to Praise and Worship music, something always sabotages all your good efforts. This past week was one like that. I couldn't keep a rein on my eating habits, no matter how hard I tried, my attitude mostly stunk rather than being the sweet perfume of Jesus. I was tired, at odds with my husband, and just in general down in the dumps.
Now, it wasn't hopeless. There were really good moments too. I make a point of playing and singing Christian music while I am on breaks between lessons with my piano students. I was journalling a lot, praying a lot. I knew that God was with me even though I didn't really feel Him there.
Then I had my second lesson Friday night. My student (I'll call her Jenna) came in, looking like her normal chipper self. We said our normal greetings and I asked how her week had gone. Jenna looked at me and I knew I wasn't going to get a normal answer. This wonderful, talented 13-year-old girl shared that one of her friends had been taken to the police station from school that day, and that Jenna had been the only one of all her classmates to stand by this poor girl. Jenna had seen things beyond description in her relationship with this girl. As she spoke, I could see the helplessness in her eyes. Jenna has little to no knowledge of Jesus and how much He loves her. I wondered how I would cope with a situation like that if I had no hope outside of myself. I couldn't imagine it.
The Spirit nudged me in that moment. I looked at Jenna and said, very softly, "Jenna, I am going to tell you something, and if you don't like it, you can tell me no, but I want to tell you that I am a Christian, and I would really like to pray for you and your friend. Only if you say it is okay." After a pause, she nodded her head. Later on I had to opportunity to just say, "I hope you know that Jesus loves you, even when everything seems crazy out of control, He is in control, and He loves you."
Please join me in praying for Jenna and her friend.
I share that because I realized that moment was a gift. That moment was from God, a message saying, "You might think that you are too weak to accomplish anything for me, but you are right where I want you. When you know your weakness, you rely on My strength, and in that moment I will use your hands to heal the broken hearts around you."
Praise and Thanks to Him Alone!

"All of You...

…is more than enough, for all of me, for every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with Your love, and all I have in You is more than enough.”

            I would sing the words, but I didn’t really believe them. In fact, the way I was living said that I believed the exact opposite of what I would sing.

            I am so amazed and thankful that my God is caring enough for me that He would bring me to face the things that I do wrong, again and again.  Satan works so hard to get us to believe lies without our realizing that we are believing lies!

            I know that I cannot be alone in this, so I encourage all of you, my sisters to frequently ask God to show you any errors in your thoughts that have begun to lead you to believe lies about God.

            As for me, I am ashamed to say that these lies have been a part of my thought life for a long time. I could try to absolve myself of guilt and say that I didn’t know that I was believing those lies, but that would only make it worse. I am a professing Christian, my job is to know the Truth more intimately than I know anything else.

            Yet, I believe that the lies Satan helps us to swallow are made more attractive by the influences around us. There are millions of women around the world held in bondage to food, I am not alone, and there are tons of advertisements for the ‘miracle diet pill’ everywhere you look. Most of them advocate for themselves by telling us that ‘we are worth it’. These, my dear sisters are lies. We are worth NOTHING apart from Christ! He is the only reason we can even lift ourselves from lying in the muck of our sin and shame. His beauty is the only beauty we should ever aspire to.

            More than anything, I long to be known as someone enamored with Christ, intoxicated by the Word of God and wrapped up in prayer. I know I have a long way to go, and the path will not be smooth or easy, but I embrace that. I am tired of being the woman I was under the illusion of my own self-worth. Pampering myself and giving my stomach and flesh free reign brought absolutely no happiness into my life. On the contrary I struggled with feeling torn in two, swinging between extremes of starving myself and gorging on junk food, prostrating myself before God and silencing the cries of my spirit with YouTube videos. In the past two days I have denied my body extra sleep, suffered attacks of headaches and nausea when I tried to work out. Sacrificing my own personal comfort, I recognized these as attacks and instead of pampering my flesh like before, I surrendered to obedience to my Saviour and Lord, to find true peace.

            Everywhere we look today we are told that the only lords in our lives should be ourselves, our own needs and wants, the problem is that we allow these influences too much space in our lives.

            My mother is purging her house right now. There is a slight possibility that she and my father might move in the future, but ‘just in case’ she has been getting rid of all the excess stuff that has piled up over the years. She is making room for moving.

            Did you ever make room for Jesus? Did you clear a space in your life for Him, or did you just invite Him in and tell Him that He could find a spot to perch in amongst all the other clutter you had collected? That is what I did. It was inconvenient to change my habits and while I wanted the peace that Jesus gives, I really didn’t want to completely rearrange for Him.

            How wrong I was! If you are at all convicted along with me, I challenge you to join my husband and I as we put away evil influences from before us for 40 days. We will not spend time on our computers doing anything other than blogging, checking e-mail (there is a time limit) and work (my husband does some graphic design work.) For the majority of the day our machines will be locked in a chest, and we will be free to talk, read godly literature, and spend time with God. We are using this time to reshape our habits and to focus our hearts on God and our relationship. Priority #1 My relationship with God. Priority #2 My relationship with my husband.

            

Refreshing Rain

As I write this, the silver rains are streaming past my window, pattering on the small cement patio outside, preparing the earth for spring. I walked home in this rain and it felt wonderfully restorative. I feel awakened, renewed, ready to bless God for all the amazing things He has done in my life. 

            Recently, while I was reading up on fasting and other spiritual disciplines, I came across an article about journaling. This article was in the online magazine, Set Apart Girl, which I strongly recommend you check out if you are so inclined. The author wrote about journaling in her life having become a way through which she could track the proof of God’s goodness through her life. Not only were her journals places to write prayers, dreams and fears, but they were records of God’s faithfulness. Her article ended with, “Does not His faithfulness deserve a monument in each of our lives?” I was struck by that comment. It is so easy for us small little humans to get stuck in the whirlpool of our own wants, need insecurities, and journeys that we forget to give tribute to Whom it is due.

            Though this blog is for struggling through the tough questions, for wrestling with truth, I never want to forget the One who stands beside us. We may feel as though we are grappling with stone as we try to figure out the person of God, yet if we only stopped dashing ourselves against Him in our hurry to figure it all out NOW, He would draw us into an eternal embrace, revealing His character to us in His own time and way, gently molding our character without ever breaking His precious clay vessels.

            God’s tenderness overwhelms me. As I am writing this blog, I took time to steep myself in His Word and I came across these words.

            John 16:13

            Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come he will guide you into all truth; for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will show you things to come.

            “He will guide you into all truth.” These journeys that we walk, the struggles we face, these are a monument to the Father’s faithfulness. Journaling may be a great way for some to remember these daily monuments, others may find different ways to do so, but the important thing is that we remember. Remember His faithfulness, kindness, goodness, blessings and gentle leadings.

The Inconvenience of Christianity

            I don’t always like it when God comes knocking at the door of my heart. Sometimes God shows me things that I have misunderstood, not done well, or simply not done.

            I would like to think of myself as a strong Christian, and often it seems as though people think of me that way. Yet, I often struggle with feeling like a failure, feeling distant from God, weak, and without hope of walking in a truly upright way before Him. Here in the west it is easy to think that Christianity should be like any other part of our life. Church fits into a schedule, it is neat, reliable, fits into a time commitment, and often becomes a convenient way to engage in ‘faith’. Even our daily devotions can fall into that routine. 7 AM, read 2 chapters of John, look at prayer list and think thankful thoughts, and then get dressed and go on with daily life. If there is ever the sense that this is not enough, it is easily quenched by the knowledge that as far as all appearances go, we are doing all the ‘right’ things.

            Christianity is not supposed to be easy. Everyone still with me so far? Good. Now let me try a new one on you. Christianity is not supposed to be convenient. Convenience is such a staple of our lives today. Very little in our lives today requires a concentrated denial of self, a steady, long-term work ethic that few people around us understand. We are used to fast-food, access to any piece of information within our pockets. We take world-wide travel and communication for granted, pleasure has become an every-day pursuit rather than an occasional experience. Our whole lives tend to be motivated by the paths of least resistance. I know mine usually is.

            Today God has awakened my heart to the truth of convenience. Convenience is a tool Satan uses to work apathy, disinterest, and spiritual death in our lives. I know those words are strong, but I know deep within my soul that God has something He wants to work through me, but the only way it will happen is if I start embracing the inconvenience of Christianity.

            My shame is that I so often think I should be able to have time in my life when God leaves me alone. I still am tempted to want to be in control of my own life. It was not convenient for Jesus to go to the cross for my sins. It was not convenient for God to send His only Son to the Earth. Why should my life be easy? Why should living to God’s glory and giving Him thanks be easy? Jesus never said it would be easy, so why do we have this thinking that living the Christian life won’t give us any great inconvenience? Reading Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand has opened my eyes to the wonderful beauty brought into the lives of Christians by suffering.

            For me, the inconvenience of Christianity includes giving God sovereignty over how I spend my time. I have read in many places that the one way to experience great growth and sensitivity to spiritual matters is by fasting. I am engaged to sing at an anniversary service on Sunday, and I want to be able to be used by God in that performance. So tomorrow starting in the morning (no breakfast) until after that performance, I am going to fast and pray. Nothing but water will pass my lips.

            I am fully aware that Satan will put me through the ringer tomorrow. I have no thoughts that tomorrow will be easy. I simply pray tonight that I will be given the grace to endure and that God will cleanse me, bringing to mind sins to confess and ways to change my thinking in order to come closer to God.

            I ask for your prayers for tomorrow. Pray that I will not be distracted from my purpose, and that God will reveal His purpose for my life to me. 

I Felt on Top of the World!

            It feels like a month has passed since I wrote to you, my sisters in Christ. I have missed you! Please know that you can contact me at any time, telling me any story about how God is working in your life. I would love to pray for you in your seasons of growing, praise with you in the times when God does wonderful and amazing things in your lives!

            God has just done something wonderful in my life. I got a job today doing what I love to do! I have had a dream for a long time to be a music teacher, and to have a studio where I could develop a curriculum for music and teach. There is a studio in the city where I live that contracts with independent music teachers, offering them the space and administrative services there in return for a cut of the teacher’s income. It is a wonderful setup because I do not have to advertise, and I get help with scheduling, which is wonderful. God truly worked this out in an amazing way. My pastor was over on Monday night visiting with my husband and I. When we prayed together, he prayed for my work situation, asking God for a way for me to pursue my dreams and get out of the job I have now. The next day, I get a phone call from this studio asking me if I am available, and would I be able to come down for an interview? Today, the next day after the phone call, I went down for the interview, really enjoyed getting to know the manager there, and signed the contract!

            Walking home, I felt on top of the world. I prayed as I was walking home, “Lord, please keep this moment alive in my heart. Help me to enjoy all the steps that will come after this. I know it will not all be perfect, but I know that You are in control.”

            It is amazing feeling your dreams come true! The best part for me though, is knowing that I am not forcing it to happen. I know that God is leading me every step of the way, and because I know that I also know that through this He is making His name known in the world. I am so humbled that God would choose to work through me, it inspires me to work harder, to truly live a life worthy of the word ‘Christian’. 

            I began this blog wanting to dig into the mystery as to why Christian women with powerful gifts seem to run into huge walls and opposition to their gifts. I don’t know that I have really made any big discoveries in that field; it could turn into a life-long study. However, I have noticed patterns in my own life. When I make a decision ahead of time to do something in my life that will bring me closer to God, Satan will attack. These attacks are subtle, and even though I have begun to identify them, I still can’t realize what they are in the middle of one. Usually it comes in the form of a headache, generally feeling blue and irritable, and not motivated. My husband is a wonderful help in realizing these attack for what they truly are, and loving me in spite of my bad behaviour sometimes. Today has shown me that if we are sensitive to God’s working in our lives, He will give us the opportunity to serve Him with our gifts, and what a mountaintop feeling it is!

            Love, grace and strength to you all!

Fortitude

            If you are at all like me, you probably have no idea what that word means. I only learned of this wonderful word because of a Christmas present my husband bought me. On the Shoulders of Hobbits: the Road to Virtue with Tolkein and Lewis by Louis Markos contains a chapter titled ‘The Courage to Endure’. Fortitude expresses the steadiness of character that is lacking so often in our lives today. Frodo is probably one of the best examples of fortitude. With everything set against him, he faithfully sets one foot in front of the other, heading towards a mountain that in all likelihood will defeat him. Now, while sometimes I feel like Frodo, I know that because I am a child of God, I do not tread a road towards my ultimate demise. On the contrary, I tread the only road towards happiness, blessing, and grace for all eternity! The path might be filled with obstacles, and they might even be large and scary obstacles, but those obstacles will run out, and then, oh then the gate to the Celestial City!

            I find myself thinking about fortitude today, mostly because I have had a pretty rough weekend. I was ill, and as you ladies can probably identify with, emotionally a wreck. While there is a perfectly logical explanation for these ridiculous mood swings, when I am in the midst of them it seems as though I am stuck in a whirlpool with no way out. Looking back on those hours of almost despair, I wonder if they would be lessened by a greater portion of fortitude in my life. Practicing fortitude, the steady, everyday courage of knowing that each step is as important as the last, well it doesn’t really exist in my life. Yet, I don’t think classical scholars would have included it in the list of virtues if it truly had no value in life.

            I pray for you, my sisters, that God would pour an extra measure of fortitude in your life. May we learn together the value of steady endurance, courage that only is revealed after years of constant effort. In our world today, it is easy to get caught up in the instant reward of so many things. I challenge you this week to look for the things that have taken years to accomplish and think about how valued those accomplishments are to you.